Movie Review: The Black Cauldron

The Black Cauldron (1985/ Disney/ Dir. Ted Berman & Richard Rich)

The Black Cauldron made basically no splash when it came out, much to Disney's dismay. Also, to the dismay of people like me, who sort of wish Disney had kept up with what it was doing. If you remember, the early 80s were a period of interesting experimentation for Disney. Granted, most those experiments were box office flops, but they were at least interesting and some of them were even good. This is an example of one of those experiments that was actually sort of good. Not great, I didn't say great, but it is good and it contains things you rarely saw at the time.

The Great VEWPRF Death March – He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special

He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985 Dir. Bill Reed & Ernie Schmidt)

Cartoon Review: The Christmas Orange

The Christmas Orange (2002/ Bardel Entertainment/ Dir. Ian Freedman)

So here we have something so obscure that I may be the only person who actually bought the DVD. Not only am I the only owner of the DVD in America, I bought it 10 years after the product came out. And I only bought it for a few dollars, on a whim because I'd never heard of it and reviewing things that say "Christmas" on them is a thing I do. So I decided to give it a try. Given the product was only $6, given that it was a one shot for Canadian TV, and given that it was 10 years after it was first broadcast, I wasn't expecting to find a huge amount about the cartoon. It's based on a book, that's what I found out. It's not a bad product, we'll get that out of the way for starters. I'm not sure how good it is though. Let's examine The Christmas Orange...

Cartoon Review: The Fat Albert Christmas Special

The Fat Albert Christmas Special (1977/ Filmation/ Dir.Hal Sutherland)

Doing holiday specials is a tough gig. Quite often, they're produced as a fast buck idea. Something to throw at the screen during December, and if possible, break up the McDonald's Commercials a little. Most the specials I have seen, and I've seen WAY more than I should, fit into this category. Particularly existing properties, like the Smurfs or He-Man, fit this mold.

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You know what? We're not going to mention another holiday special for the rest of this review. I'm going to show my hand early and just say it. This is good. I don't want to taint that by comparing it to something less good. If it's really good, it should be able to stand up on its own without putting something else down. And I think this is good, and I think it goes beyond a cynical cash grab, and I think it might really be worth your while.

Cartoon Review: The Snowman

The Snowman (1982/ TVC London/ Dir. Dianne Jackson)

This is a cartoon for which I have no nostalgia. I only saw it for the first time last year and was so exhausted that I fell asleep during part of it. If I can offer an untainted perspective on any holiday movie, this HAS to be it. I only bought it because it has a tremendous reputation. The fact that it came on a DVD with The Nuttiest Nutcracker had nothing to do with it. I still haven't watched that second feature, mainly because I watched the trailer. But we're talking about something that I've been told by English and Canadians is the height of their VEWPRF season. So I bought it and watched it, and now I shall write my review of that movie. How did I think it help up? You'll have to wait and see...

Cartoon Review: The Smurfs Christmas Special

The Smurfs Christmas Special (1982/ Hanna-Barbera/ Dir. Gerald Baldwin)

It wasn't supposed to be like this. My first holiday special review in two years... it was supposed to be a momentous occasion. It should have been filled with joy, and laughter, not this. I said some time ago that I was sort of done with reviews that only amounted to complaints. I mean... look, The Avengers happened and we're liking things because we like them again, not because we hate them and want to imagine we're superior to them. I want you to know, I started this with the purest of intentions. Sadly The Smurfs Christmas Special did not hold up.

There is no way to properly summarize this, no way to discuss it on its merits, or play on the themes. Mostly, because I have no idea what happened. The best I can hope for is a synopsis, going down the line point by point. Maybe, together, we can reach and understanding. Just remember the mantra "I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks!"

Skyfall Review (In Bullet Point Form!)

Short Version: I liked it, but with some reservations.

1. It feels like this movie was written for Brosnan. Or at least, like they started with a Brosnan script. Not in a bad way, not necessarily, but it feels sort of early in Craig's run for people to be accusing him of being too old for this shit. Also, ALL the computer talk is straight out of 1999.

2. It's interesting that in 22 minutes they told more of Bond's backstory than they did in 22 movies. As a result, Bond feels more like a complete character than he ever has before.

3. I was apprehensive about the inclusion of Q, however I was willing to see what they'd do. Bond and Q - together, they fight crime. He's a near perfect foil for this Bond, and the fact that Syd and I spent 10 minutes talking about his little "Q" mug proves they did something right.

4. The CGI Komodo Dragon was jarring and distracting, as was the CGI breath. I think because that was the only CGI in the movie, it really stood out.

5. Batman, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Superman, Luke Skywalker, Black Dynamite, James Bond... anyone here NOT an orphan?

6. At one point, six to eight blackmen terrorists in black leather carrying machine guns come to a house in Scotland to fight a blue eyed hero and I turned to Syd and said "This just turned into a Jack Higgins Novel" and then it turned into Home Alone.

7. Bond didn't go into any kind of Gay Panic, instead he goes with it. I liked that. I'm not sure how to interpret his comment, but I don't think it matters. Either he's cool enough to play the guy, or he has played both sides of the field at one time or another. I don't much care, they both work for me.

8. Can just ONE bond girl live in one of Craig's movies? It was interesting the first two movies, but Bond's dick is clearly the Harbinger of Doom. 20 minutes after getting funky with Bond, you die. It's like The Ring or some shit.



Some Spoilers now follow...