Cartoon Review: The Smurfs Christmas Special

The Smurfs Christmas Special (1982/ Hanna-Barbera/ Dir. Gerald Baldwin)

It wasn't supposed to be like this. My first holiday special review in two years... it was supposed to be a momentous occasion. It should have been filled with joy, and laughter, not this. I said some time ago that I was sort of done with reviews that only amounted to complaints. I mean... look, The Avengers happened and we're liking things because we like them again, not because we hate them and want to imagine we're superior to them. I want you to know, I started this with the purest of intentions. Sadly The Smurfs Christmas Special did not hold up.

There is no way to properly summarize this, no way to discuss it on its merits, or play on the themes. Mostly, because I have no idea what happened. The best I can hope for is a synopsis, going down the line point by point. Maybe, together, we can reach and understanding. Just remember the mantra "I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks!"

Skyfall Review (In Bullet Point Form!)

Short Version: I liked it, but with some reservations.

1. It feels like this movie was written for Brosnan. Or at least, like they started with a Brosnan script. Not in a bad way, not necessarily, but it feels sort of early in Craig's run for people to be accusing him of being too old for this shit. Also, ALL the computer talk is straight out of 1999.

2. It's interesting that in 22 minutes they told more of Bond's backstory than they did in 22 movies. As a result, Bond feels more like a complete character than he ever has before.

3. I was apprehensive about the inclusion of Q, however I was willing to see what they'd do. Bond and Q - together, they fight crime. He's a near perfect foil for this Bond, and the fact that Syd and I spent 10 minutes talking about his little "Q" mug proves they did something right.

4. The CGI Komodo Dragon was jarring and distracting, as was the CGI breath. I think because that was the only CGI in the movie, it really stood out.

5. Batman, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Superman, Luke Skywalker, Black Dynamite, James Bond... anyone here NOT an orphan?

6. At one point, six to eight blackmen terrorists in black leather carrying machine guns come to a house in Scotland to fight a blue eyed hero and I turned to Syd and said "This just turned into a Jack Higgins Novel" and then it turned into Home Alone.

7. Bond didn't go into any kind of Gay Panic, instead he goes with it. I liked that. I'm not sure how to interpret his comment, but I don't think it matters. Either he's cool enough to play the guy, or he has played both sides of the field at one time or another. I don't much care, they both work for me.

8. Can just ONE bond girl live in one of Craig's movies? It was interesting the first two movies, but Bond's dick is clearly the Harbinger of Doom. 20 minutes after getting funky with Bond, you die. It's like The Ring or some shit.



Some Spoilers now follow...

Grump!

Holy Crab Cakes! I've not written a review for this month. Remember when I did them once a week? Yeah, me either. Work ate my life, and one day we'll have a discussion about depression when mixed with ADD. Enough of that though, allow us to discuss the subject of today's review. As I've said before, Thanksgiving is tough for a reviewer. There aren't many things out there because Thanksgiving is only a set holiday in America and Canada. As a result, you can't ship the special to Europe like you can with Christmas, so there is less value in producing it. Lest you think I'm exaggerating in this, let me tell you that the last time I was in France, half the shows on the tube were American. Our chief export to the world is cultural and no one wants to hurt their potential market. As a result, I've either reviewed all the Thanksgiving fare worth reviewing, or I can't get screen caps because my dvd player and the Simpson's Season 2 discs aren't getting along. So I'm kind of at loose ends now.

In the past, I would have suggested a raft or two of films you could watch when you had the four day weekend, but I feel like I've shot my bolt on that one too. If I'm going to give you movies to watch, I'm going to give you a real essentials list that will inform and educate while entertaining you. I don't really want to do counter programming right now, because I'm not in that mood. I don't know what to do and time is running out.

I could finally unleash some of my more bizarre fan theories at you, like how Interview With the Vampire and The Big Lebowski are essentially the same story told in different ways or how Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol is a remake of The Wizard of Oz. I've got one that states that all the slasher movies from the 80s are in the same universe as Hostel and that they moved from providing an avenue for spree killers and adjusted as the market moved to give a place for torturers as well. There is even the really crazy one I have that says the entire James Bond series from Connery to Brosnan was the career of one guy and it's an unbroken continuity.

What I'm saying is "Give me a minute" because this is going to take a little while.

Wreck it Ralph Review - In Bullet Point Form!

I liked Wreck-It Ralph, let's talk a little.

1. I thought the opening short was too good. I thought it might diminish the feature. It didn't, but it was an utterly charming little bit of animation.

2. Going to have to buy this on DVD so I can catch all the little jokes and references they threw in.

3. "She has the most tragic backstory of all time." That line killed.

4. They did their homework. Even if the people who worked on this are all about my age and as such are gamers from when I was gaming, they did their home work. There are a lot of gags, references, and an overall understanding of how video games work here. These guys knew what they were doing.

5. Most the jokes were funny, most the characters were interesting, most the story works really well.

6. Some of the characters move like their video game counter parts would move. They have no middle animation they just go from their hands out, to their hands raised, just like 8-bit.

7. The one human gamer we really see was a girl... BUT GIRLS DON'T GAME! my mind=blown!

Now, below there will be spoilers.