Movie Review: Victory Through Air Power

Victory Through Air Power (1943 United Artists Prod. Walt Disney*)
*There are four directors listed, three animated and one live action director. Besides, in this context the producer is more important than the directors.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “He’s only reviewing this because it’s a 70 minute propaganda piece and he thinks he can get away with writing a really short review.” Now I could say many, many things about that. I could complain that I’m being insulted, that this is a cynical statement that detracts from my interest in historical documents, and that you smell and no one likes you. However, it’s hard to get away from the fact that all those things are actually true. Including the bit about how you smell. However, it’s an interesting enough piece to write a review on, so I’ll give it a go. Allow us to discuss.

Movie Review: The Dark Half

You know, we've seen us some dull title cards on this blog, but this one takes the cake. It was a nice cake too.

The Dark Half (1993 Orion Pictures Dir. George A. Romero)

This is not one of the better-loved Stephen King books, so I suppose it’s natural that the movie wouldn’t be that beloved either. Hell, I had to order a copy from England just to get a proper widescreen edition. Part of the problem was that the movie sort of flopped when it came out, which it did nearly two years after it was made, due to Orion’s death throws. The release of this movie could almost be considered a final death spasm, and as such, it wasn’t enthusiastically promoted or even properly funded. All this means that not many people saw the movie, however one cannot simply blame that as people who have seen the movie aren’t that impressed by it. This makes it much like the book, which is one of my favorites, but they can’t all be The Stand or IT now can they? Still, let us clear those things from our mind and try to focus on this movie. How does it stack up against the book or other King movies? Well, let’s see…

Movie Review: The Killer

The Killer (1989 Golden Princess Dir. John Woo)

Really, we’re going to do The Killer? We want to go to that one? We don’t have some obscure shoot ‘em up that no one has seen? Out of cheap westerns already? Actually, we just did one, so probably don’t want to do another for a while lest I be known as the “Cheap Westerns Guy” which would kill my stab at being the “Doesn’t Like Anything New Guy” for the internet. I suppose I should explain my reluctance before we go much further. I like John Woo’s movies, but I don’t like them in their entirety. There are a lot of problems with John Woo, like he really, really wants to make a romance but keeps making gun operas that are like old-fashioned westerns. I wish he’d just make a romantic western and get it out of his system. Possibly, he wants to make a gay romance, but can’t come to terms with it and has to have the guys shooting at each other. There is an undercurrent of homoerotic bromanceness about his movies, after all. Another problem is that he’s another one of these guys who keeps wanting to have his movies run about 9 hours long, forgetting that he’s making commercial action movies. So a lot of what he thinks the movie is supposed to be ends up on the cutting room floor, which is never a good thing. Anytime you have to cut a movie in half, it looses coherency. What I’m saying is, that while I like The Killer, I’m afraid that in reviewing it I’m going to end up vivisecting it and just point out all its flaws to the world. However, this is the movie I’ve slatted for this week and if I don’t review it I’ll be going back on what I said I’d do, so here we go.

Movie Review: Alice in Wonderland (1933 Version)

Alice in Wonderland (1933 Paramount Dir. Norman McLeod)

Why did Tim Burton feel he needed to make a dark version of Alice in Wonderland? A nightmare-educing version was made in 1933, and remains as horrifying as ever. Even in its cut down 77-minute version, it can scare an entire orphanage for months of sleepless nights and it wasn’t even trying. It’s just that the make-up is pretty creepy. I’m in my thirties, I’m not particularly squeamish and just the opening credit sequence is creeping me the hell out. I’ll explain about the open credits. See, Paramount wanted to exploit the fact that Lewis Carroll’s 100th birthday had caused a resurgence of interest in the Alice stories. This movie is based on one of the many stage plays going around at that time. In order to pull the studio out of a jam, they put all their biggest stars in the movie. However, the make-up jobs were so over the top that almost none of these big name actors could be recognized. The movie was sort of a massive, amazing, epic, almost studio ending… flop. Yeah, it crashed, burned, and took out a small village. Mae West had to shake her money maker like she’d never shook before in order to save the studio after this thing. A lot of people claimed the failure was that the actors couldn’t be recognized, I say it’s because the make-up creeped out strong men and scared weak and feeble women. Anyway, that’s a long enough opening paragraph, let’s dive in and see what we’ve got shall we?

Movie Review: Donald in Mathmagic Land

Donald in Mathmagic Land (1959 Buena Vista Film Dir. Hamilton Luske*)
*Luske was the supervising director, with three other’s listed as Sequence Directors.

Like a lot of Walt’s extended short subjects, this half hour production was actually given a theatrical release. Shown with Darby O'Gill and the Little People of all things, this movie interestingly offsets that one. I’m not sure why math and insulting the Irish with stereotypes was thought to have synergy, but there it is. The chief problem is that I’m not sure how educational this movie actually is in the format of a theatrical release. It isn’t that this is a bad movie or anything, it just seems like it’s more to stir your mind rather than actually teach you anything. I can understand it being a film shown in schools, because it seems like your teacher should come out and start talking as soon as it ends. It feels like a discussion tool rather than a piece of general admission entertainment.

Ten Best Non-Superhero Comic Book Movies

There is a flaw in this list. I’m hoping if I point it out in the introduction, I’ll be forgiven for the flaw. See, this isn’t really the best movies based on comic books that aren’t superhero themed, just the best ones I’ve personally seen. Ghost World is supposed to be really good, but I’ve just never gotten around to watching it. As a result, it can’t get on the list. That fact flaws this list immensely, but hopefully not to a point where it becomes unforgivable.

Movie Review: Blindman (Pain Box)

Blindman (1971 Dir. Ferdinando Baldi)

Hey, did you know Ringo Starr was in a Spaghetti Western? No? Me either! What do you want to bet that it’s crap? No, I won’t even give odds. Now, I think I have a cut version of this movie, because IMDB claims 105 minutes but the movie on this disc clocks in at 84 minutes. The scant information I can find on the internet claims that the original contained violence towards women that approached misogynistic levels and then went over that line by about ten miles. The back of the box only promises Zatoichi like blind dude action, I didn’t know it would include moral outrage free with purchase. Yeah, I’m starting to write the review before I’ve seen the movie again. I think it’s more exciting this way. Before we go much further, go look up a neat little cocktail called a Spaghetti Western, then make three. Two for you, one for me. If it gets hairy at the end, you can drink mine too.