TV Review: Jack Benny Program (Pain Box)

Last year, I almost wrote this review. Several things got in the way and I crapped out. However, this year I did actually write the review, so all is well.

The Jack Benny Program (1960 CBS dir. James V. Kern)

There is something to be said about a man who could remake the same episode a dozen times and have it called “tradition” rather than “pointless repetition.” What it mostly says is that the guy was some kind of genius. So here is the lowdown on the traditional Jack Benny shopping episode: Jack has trouble deciding on a gift for Don Wilson and proceeds to drive the clerk (played by Mel Blanc) out of his skull with his alterations to that gift. Normally he buys an expensive present and changes his mind about this aspect or that aspect and then goes a head and decides to get the cheap gift by the end of the episode. Is that what happens here? No idea, to be honest I still haven’t watched it. Let’s lay down a fiver right now though. If Jack buys a gift, changes his mind several times and drives Mel Blanc insane, you owe me five bucks. Six if it’s a gift for Don Wilson. If it’s any conciliation, this probably won’t hurt much. I might be a little painful, but most likely it’ll just come off as dated.

Cartoon Review: The Year Without a Santa Claus

The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974 Rankin/Bass Productions Dir. Jules Bass & Arthur Rankin Jr.)

Oh goodie, Rankin & Bass! Because that’s always worked out well for us in the past, huh kids? You remember Rudolph? You remember ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas? Yeah, maybe now you know why I hesitate. The thing is, I remember this one being particularly painful, mainly because it’s the ultimate Rankin/Bass Christmas Story. One where Santa, tired of requests for Red Ryder’s Peacemaker, decides to quit. I know, you’re so shocked by this I can hear you gasping now. I mean, what are the odds, right? I mean he only cancels the trip just about every special he shows up in. Now, in some ways, this is a sequel to Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town, which I haven’t reviewed. You ever notice that most the time when I review a sequel I haven’t reviewed the original? I’ve noticed that if I don’t review the original first, it doesn’t get reviewed. Probably in the fullness of time, I’ll get around to it.

TV Review: The Burns and Allen Show (Pain Box)

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Cartoon Review: A Garfield Christmas

A Garfield Christmas Special (1987 Dir. Phil Roman)

Some of you may remember back in November I ran a review for the Garfield Thanksgiving Special. In that review, I called it the most hateful thing ever connected to Thanksgiving. I meant it then and I mean it now. It was evil, hateful, lacking in any kind of morality and not funny. It told us that deceit and lies were great things that should be rewarded. Well now it's December, and now we're looking at a Christmas Special. Will it be as bad? Who can say? I’m pretty sure that it will be though, I mean it is Garfield after all. I’m guessing it will be self-serving, cynical, and will try ham-fisted emotional manipulation. There will probably be some songs that make you want to pour Clorox right into your ear to try and cleanse your brain of their memory. Let’s see if I’m right!

Holiday Review List

Here are all the holiday reviews I've done for Retroflix along with their score on The Graffiti Bridge Scale...


The Avengers: Too Many Christmas Trees 10 Degrees
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol 5 Degrees
A Charlie Brown Christmas -10 Degrees
Chef! A Bird in the Hand 43 Degrees
A Christmas Carol (1938) -31 Degrees
A Christmas Carol (1984) 68 Degrees
A Christmas Carol (1999) 25 Degrees
He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special 10 Degrees
The History of Christmas 45 Degrees
How the Grinch Stole Christmas -1 Degree
Merry Christmas Mr. Bean 7 Degrees
Mickey’s Christmas Carol -10 Degrees
Miracle on 34th Street 60 Degrees
Morozko (Jack Frost) 73 Degrees
The Muppet Christmas Carol 69 Degrees
A Nero Wolfe Mystery: Christmas Party 45 Degrees
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer -5 Degrees
The Rugrats Chanukah Special 10 Degrees
Rugrats: The Santa Experience 10 Degrees
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians -18 Degrees
Scrooge (1935) -5 Degrees
Scrooge (1951) 87 Degrees
The Simpsons Christmas Special 42 Degrees
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas -87 Degrees
Tales from the Darkside “Seasons of Belief” 80 Degrees
The Vicar of Dibley: The Christmas Lunch Incident 5 Degrees
Will Vinton’s A Claymation Christmas Celebration 21 Degrees
Yes Minister: Party Games 15 Degrees
10 best things about A Christmas Story

TV Review: Tales from the Darkside “Seasons of Belief”

TV Review: Tales from the Darkside “Seasons of Belief”

Tales from the Darkside: Seasons of Belief (Season 3, Episode 11; First Broadcast December 29, 1986; Laurel Productions; Dir. Michael Mc Dowell)

What say we get this VEWPRF season started off right? What better way to get a season started than with an episode of my favorite TV show? That’s right, I’ve got a holiday episode of Tales from the Darkside and I’m not afraid to review it! Like so many other Darkside episodes, this one is based on a short story. This time it’s based on a short story by Michael Bishop a Locus and Nebula Award winning writer. The screen play was written by Michael McDowell who also directed the episode. McDowell is also the man who created Beetlejuice as well as wrote some two dozen books. So what I’m saying is, in this episode, we’re in good hands. Unlike some holiday episodes, this will be a joy to watch. And with that, I just guaranteed you won’t even read past the opening paragraph, didn’t I? Look, I like some things, okay? I try to review things I think I’ll enjoy. Of course, since my program is being handed to me by forces I don’t really understand, it might be crap. I can’t see that happening since at worst a Darkside episode is just dull, but it might. C’mon! Read on and see what happens!

Cartoon Review: How the Grinch Stole Christmas

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966 MGM Television Dir. Chuck Jones)

Well, here we are. One of the biggies. I mean, after Charlie Brown, this is THE cartoon classic for my generation, isn’t it? The story of the meanest guy in the Christmas special stable. How does one get their hate on for The Grinch? Oh sure, there is a logical inconsistency at the end, but it’s a small one. Sure the Whos down in Whoville make one rethink the idea of ethnic cleansing, but how do you hate The Grinch? He’s like the best character for people who are, at best, ambivalent about Christmas. Can I hate The Grinch? I doubt it. Can I hate this special? Only time will tell my darlings…